Walking home...

I ran into a homeless person. This poor poor man asked me for change, to which I replied, "why my goodness sir! Let me help you." I carried him on my back to my car, and proceeded to drive him to my house. While driving on the highway I noticed that the man was a little distressed. I asked, "What is wrong my good man? Does something trouble you?"

"Oh it's nuttin. just get nervous in cars," he replied.
"Why, do prey tell?"
"Well, it's just that... most guys want blow jobs. And I ain't to partial to given em."
"Har har har! My friend I do not want a, as you say, 'blow job,' I merely want to help you out."
"Oh... okay."

For the rest of the ride he was silent. There was some minor tension, and he seemed nervous. We finally made it to my house. At this point he was extremely scared, he did not know what to expect.

"I will show you to the bathroom and kitchen, that way you may clean yourself, and get something to eat." I said, trying to calm him.

"Al-alright."

After he finished showering and eating, I asked if he would like anything else. He replied, "A blow job."

"My good man, I will plainly state it. No. Anything else?"

"A place to sleep."

"That I can do! Here take my room."

"Thanks."

Later that night I sneaked in to my room, and watched him sleep. Then softly nudged his head with my hand. As he woke up I jammed a screwdriver into his eyeball. He proceeded to scream at me, and I laughed. After about five minutes of screaming, I stabbed him in the throat, and he stopped screaming, but passed out.

That night I made love to him in every orifice, including ones I made.

The morning after, the cops arrived, I was covered in excrement, from the bum and I.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Screamed the cops.

"Oh dear me, I am a mess."

"What the hell are you eating?"

"Oh this, its Cookie Crisp!"

"Cookies for BREAKFAST! You're crazy!"

"Nope, just Cookoo for Coco Puffs!"

*Badum Tish*

...What the fuck? random as hell and funny but thats just fucked up man

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Why OC better